Royally Kranked

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Dear God, if you truly exist, please, let there be a video of what reads as an extremely surreal & hysterical campaign stop by Gov Gropenator himself

With Halloween theatrics, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger appeared at an Ontario junkyard Monday with a staffer dressed as "Count Cartaxula," who threatened to raise the state vehicle license fee from the dead if voters didn't approve Proposition 76 in next week's special election......The Ontario event was light in substance but heavy on staging. Two skeletons and a pack of faux rats were parked in a Ford Escort next to the stage, whose other end was flanked by hundreds of beat-up cars in the Pick-A-Part junkyard.

Now, the next sentence is a real kicker, making no sense in a holiday context like Halloween, but for some reason PERFECTLY appropriate when it comes to Gov Gropenator & an undeniably comedic campaign appearance

Speakers blasted "Ride of the Valkyries."

Seriously, when contemplating the battles of Gods as Odin & Loki, who doesn't immediately think of an Ontario California junkyard as the perfect place for just a deistic showdown

And I'm hoping Gov Gropenator paid a big wad for the "Cartaxula" character, what with the undoubtedly rigorous makeup regimen needed to pull off the perfect "Cartaxula" look

Walter von Huene, who has appeared with Schwarzenegger in the films "Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines" and "End of Days," emerged in a Dracula cape, face painted white, as Larry McCarthy, president of the California Taxpayers Assn., said that Proposition 76 is "the thing most feared by Cartaxulas in Sacramento."

Oh crap!!! You mean there's a whole coven of "Cartaxulas"? We're all screwed

A black curtain opened to reveal a giant mock gravestone that read "CAR TAX RIP 2003." As the governor entered, a 1957 black Ford Fairlane with a skeleton as its driver — symbolizing the car tax, raised from the grave — was hoisted above the stage.

"Kids, did the car scare you, huh? We're all scared of the car tax," Schwarzenegger said to laughter.

Personally, I think I'd be more scared of having the cable break while hoisting the Death Mobile, crushing me to the subtle melodies of "Ride Of The Valkyries", than I EVER could be scared of the car tax

And of course, what would a campaign stop be without children to play off of?

Afterward, Schwarzenegger hugged children dressed as a bumblebee, Darth Vader and a dinosaur, and passed out chocolates wrapped in gold paper and stamped with "Yes on 76." He said he planned to take his own children trick-or-treating later, and that his wife, Maria Shriver, had left the house that morning dressed as a pirate.

And in maybe tha absolute funniest sentence in the story, one parent is described not by her child, but by the costume her child wore

The bumblebee's mother, Sharon Neault, 36, of Rancho Cucamonga, said she supported the governor because "it's important that you don't spend what you don't have — that's how we run our house."

Anyone with pictures or video of this even, PLEASE come forward, our country needs the laughs now more than ever


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