Royally Kranked

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Saying Goodbye To Jenny

UPDATED At The End



















My cat Jenny's struggle has come to a sad, but necessary end

I just came back from the last visit to Jenny's vet she'll ever make, she's now at peace and her pain is gone

She was seemingly healthy until a severe asthma attack two weeks ago, and even though she looked great when I picked her up after getting past the asthma attack, I started steeling myself for the moment that happened today

I'm glad the last image I had of her wasn't when she was gasping for air at the emergency center

She weighed in at about 5 lbs when examined by her regular vet 12 days ago, but from that point on, she just went downhill, even though I was feeding her solid foods and chicken broth 5-6 times a day, to where she weighed just over 3 lbs today

She had a struggle trying to chew solid food, she started drooling and urinating, even though she wasn't aware of it, and, I found out today, her liver was starting to break down as well. In addition, she started losing her equilibrium, stumbling a little more each day, and even more wrenchingly, at times couldn't make the jump from the floor to the couch

And it was like Jenny knew it was her time to go, as it took the vet three tries to find a vein for the injection, and she didn't complain or flinch once. Even the vet was crying as she administered the shot

And showing just how weak she was, her heart stopped before the injection was over

It was wrenching, but there was no way I was going to let her slip into that good night alone, for all the joy she brought me, the least I could do was be there for her death

There's just no way to fully describe just how important she was to me, and how much I miss her already

When I had very bad days that left me frustrated or anxious, Jenny had the wonderful ability to take all that negative emotion and when petted, calm me down enormously with her complete calm nature

It's those little things I really cherish now, like how I could hold the bratbeast upside down, and she'd just look around with a contented look on her face. I could also drape her over my shoulder and let go, and she wouldn't even dig in with her claws

One of my favorite things was to hold her like she was Super Jenny, flying through the air like Superman, and for which she'd reward me with a very baleful look

I knew she was special when I ended up getting her from the Humane Society

I was going through a tough week emotionally, and decided, on the spur of the moment, that I was going to adopt a cat, and I did it then because I knew I'd talk myself out of it if I waited around

And so I went, and immediately ruled out adopting any cat sharing it's cage with another cat, as I didn't want to break them up. When I checked out the cages with one cat only, other than a quick sniff of my finger, they'd turn away

But the little black & white cat was different, she started rubbing around my finger and purring loud enough to hear

And that was how I knew Jenny was the right cat, she was so incredibly sweet, which meant whoever had her for the first 2 1/2 years did an excellent job in raising her to be so mellow and happy

I remember the way Jenny would be the scourge of the most evil thing she encountered, rubber bands

I remember how incredibly fast she was, even towards the end of her life

I remember watching Jenny's astonishing sense of balance when she walked on a box edge

I remember how, when sitting at this computer, I'd feel a nudge on my chair, and it was Jenny rubbing here little head against it, wanting to sit in my lap

I remember how, a few years after adopting Jenny, I thought she escaped from the apt I was at, in the middle of the night

It tore me up, and trying to find her in a residential neighborhood in the middle on the night was a futile task

I was sure she was gone

I was in anguish wondering how I could have let such a thing happen, as I never let Jenny outside, way too paranoid for that

And right when I was hurting and anguished, I heard a faint noise in the living room closet, and sure enough, when I opened the door, there was little Jenny, wondering just which idiot locked her accidentally in the closet-where she was quite comfortable actually

The joy I felt then can't be described other than overwhelming and instant

Jenny was the type of cat liked by people who don't otherwise like cats, as that's the case with some of my friends, and they weren't just bs-ing for my benefit, they genuinely liked the little beast.

And now she's gone, a living creature to being replaced by ashes, pictures and 16 years of memories so full of fondness and warm wishes, none of which would have happened without her, the one physical presence in my life for all its ups and downs

Thankfully, Jenny fought hard enough two weeks back so I could prepare myself to say goodbye, thankfully my last image of her wasn't gasping for air

I'm getting another cat or kitten at some point, I cannot picture my life without one, but this just hurts so much, as if there was any creature entitled to live forever, in perfect health, and surrounded by nothing but people who would worship and adore her, it was my Precious Little Horrid Bratbeast Jenny

Goodbye Jenny, I'll never forget you or stop loving you, and even though my pain and anguish are going to be continue for some time, at least your pain is over, and your dignity intact

I'm picking up Jenny's ashes on Tuesday, and to help deal with this grief, I'm planning on making a small donation every month, in Jenny's name, to some good cause, like the local Animal Rescue League-the only group that tries to place strays in good homes, or the Battered Womens Shelter, or Child Crisis Center

I've found that when I'm down, trying to do good for others is one way to undercut that depression or grief


UPDATE

At this point, I'm happy posting about Jenny, the more people who know about her the better it makes me feel

I have to add something else though, a touch of pure optimism on the same day Jenny passed on

A friend of mine is taking care of a coworkers 6 week old puppy-a plain ol' mutt that's as adorable as puppies are at six weeks

So I saw the full circle of life in my apartment, Jenny's winded up earlier in the day, yet here was new life, just exulting in the whole wide world around him

It bolstered my spirits up, as I'd forgotten just how cute pups can be, and watching the little guy play was an almost perfect tonic for a very sad heart like mine

And sincere Thanks again for all the support, here and at other sites, it helps immensely knowing that others are reading about Jenny

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5 Comments:

  • My sympathies are with you. All the best.

    By Anonymous Ruth, at 3:54 PM  

  • Thank You very much

    Right now, I'm alternating between wrenching anguish, and being completely numb

    Even though she fought hard enough to give me more time to prepare and say Goodbye, it still is a devastating loss

    By Blogger KingCranky II, at 4:53 PM  

  • I'm so very sorry for your loss.

    By Blogger moonvine, at 5:38 AM  

  • Oooh Honey I am so sorry. This story has brought tears to my eyes. It is one of my greatest fears with my yorkie and my big cat. In fact we had a scary moment about two weeks ago with my yorkie. He isn't out of the woods yet either, but he is getting better. I have tried calling you. I will try again later today. You have the cell phone number. Call me. Love you tons King Kranky.

    By Anonymous Amyadoptee, at 1:44 PM  

  • KC, I'm so sorry. There are no words that can help but please know I'm thinking of you and just wishing there was something I could do...

    Susan

    By Blogger Kewalo, at 8:37 PM  

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