Royally Kranked

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Stupifyingly Stupid Statements & Fun Ways To Mock them

Sometimes, sitting around bored is the best inspiration I can get

So, set to the cadence of Howie Mandel's Delivery of the phrase "Deal Or No Deal" from his TV show, I Present

"Laugh Or Bitchslap?"

Something is said that is SO appaling-even for who's saying it-that the proper reaction is to either Laugh or bitchslap the bastard

There's a brief explanation to clarify each example, and don't worry, for our first episode of


We'll keep this at Dear Leader W's level, we won't ask for anything truly difficult, like patting his head and rubbing his stomach at the same time

So, for today's version of "Laugh.....Or...Bitchslap", we take a look at Dear Leader W's First Cabinet Meeting in front of the press after Katrina hit New Orleans & demolished the Gulf Coast-Over a WEEK after Katrina hit New Orleans and demolished the Gulf Coast-and an appropriate example in light of the ripping he got from the House GOP last week

I just want to say I can't think of a more Patriotic Expression of the 1st Amendment than by freely quoting the President Of The United States

"Laugh.....Or..Bitchslap?" (And Bonus Karmic Bitchslap points for the image we ALL have of Dick Cheney NOW)

I've asked the Vice President to go down to the affected region on Thursday. He will go down to assess our recovery efforts. He will help me determine whether or not we're meeting these goals. He'll work with Secretary Chertoff and others to make sure that we remove any obstacles, bureaucratic obstacles that may be preventing us from achieving our goals. In other words, bureaucracy is not going to stand in the way of getting the job done for the people.

You know, obstacles like Integrity, Ethics, lawyers, etc

And really, who needs all those clearly defined chains of bureaucratic command in a disaster anyways?

Yes, there's MULTIPLE Dear Leader W examples here

Dear Leader W makes the case that Katrina's damage has made a real impression on him to act, and by God, he's going to make sure and get around to stopping the suffering the "folks" are going through-well, at SOME point anyways.


I was briefed on plans to immediately help our folks; plans to reconnect families; plans to make sure health care is available -- and Secretary Leavitt gave me a good brief; plans on housing, both immediate and long-term housing. Most importantly, I was briefed by members of my Cabinet about how we're going to make sure that people who are owed a Social Security check get their Social Security check. At the center in Baton Rouge I went to yesterday I remember clearly a person saying, "When am I going to get my Social Security check?" And it's important to note people understand we have a strategy to make sure the benefits that are due are going to get to them.

And you told her to expect the check when?

Double Bitchslap on this one-You'll See After The Example

First, Dear Leader W's EYEPOPPING & bizarrely distracted non-response to being asked specifically about whether any Administrative personnel replacements were planned, and then tries ever so hard to right the wrecked rhetorical trains-this was asked & answered over a week after Katrina pounded the Gulf Coast

What I intend to do is lead a -- to lead an investigation to find out what went right and what went wrong. And I'll tell you why. It's very important for us to understand the relationship between the federal government, the state government and the local government when it comes to a major catastrophe. And the reason it's important is, is that we still live in an unsettled world. We want to make sure that we can respond properly if there's a WMD attack or another major storm. And so I'm going to find out over time what went right and what went wrong.

I see a HUGE problem in logic with saying "IF" there's going to be another storm, or WsMD attack for that matter


What if there's another major storm that hits just as a WsMD attack is about to take place?

I can just see Dear Leader W have a Candide "Everything Is For The Best" explanation for such an event

"Well, it was an amazing strike against the enemies of Freedom. Mere moments before their Nuclear Weapon exploded in the Heart of Downtown, a Tidal Wave of immense, terrorist-defeating proportions smashed into the weapon, destroying it before it could be unleashed against a frozen in terror public"

Well Mr President, what happened to the city and the people at the site of the Tidal Wave?

Oh they still died, but at least they didn't die because of the terrorists and the freedom haters

But perhaps we're being too harsh here on


Let's repeat one of your brighter moments, a true shining example of nuance & nitty-gritty details to rally the public overwhelmingly to your bosom again

It's very important for us to understand the relationship between the federal government, the state government and the local government when it comes to a major catastrophe

Mr President, your keen grasp of such an intimate chain of all political levels is truly astonishing, as is your keen eye for getting the levels in the right order as well

The Federal level of Govt connects to the State level of Govt connects to the Local level of Govt-all my doubts about your ability to handle the complex nuances of being President have truly been permanently erased

Now to explain why this is a double Bitchslap as well, keep in mind this is from the White House Site itself.

But first, a bit of a lesson in reporting

Anyone who's ever conducted even the most rudimentary of interviews instinctively cleans up the quotes from verbal miscues, stumbles and stammers

Yet the one time a site or reference scrubbing would be perfectly appropriate, and NO ONE at the White House is apparently up to even the most rudimentary of online skills here

What I intend to do is lead a -- to lead an investigation

For God's sake, if no one in your Administration is bright enough to remove a visual representation of a verbal stammer-and keep in mind further, that this is an Administration fetishly devoted to making Dear Leader W look Presidential at every possible opportunity then why should anyone have ANY confidence in your, or any other member of your Cabinet's War-Administering Capabilities?

It's those little details, like power, sanitation, water, security, medicine, that seem to foolishly matter to most people, trifles no doubt to those who've NEVER had to worry about lacking for any of them in his whole pampered life

Good Lord, I thought I cut you a break Mr President, you know, about not having to do that whole "pat your head & rub your stomach" gymnastics, at least not one as complicated as THIS musical version of said gymanstics

For the sake of all that's right Mr President, please don't attempt to do both at the same time-and in a future edition of "Laugh...Or...Bitchslap?", Dear Leader W is actually reduced to saying he CAN do more than one thing at the same time

And if the White House link above doesn't work, it's probably not the regular gremlins & glitches, but perhaps another amateurish link redirection I learned about the hard way with THIS post

HINT: Don't haphazardly redirect White House links in an attempt to cloud Dear Leader W's Choice For US Attorney for both Guam & Northern Marianas Islands, especially not while the guy is actually serving in that Administrative posting

Goodnight, and until we play another exciting round, this is kc saying that there's LOTS more examples coming up on



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